The experiences I've gone through remind me that profits not pocketed are not profits at all. For us gamblers, even money that has been withdrawn is not really ours if we haven't spent it!

Yesterday I talked about the first half of this road! The reason it's the first half is that that part hasn't incurred any debt yet! It's just a loss of my own!
I can't remember when I started accumulating debt, but I remember it was a while after the National Day holiday. At that time, I ran out of money and thought about changing places; I didn't even have money to give as a gift for someone else's new house that cost millions! Helpless, I left my hometown and passed through the city, feeling lost and not knowing what to do. A friend who was with me suggested we go eat and mentioned that he knew a fellow townsman who was involved in lending; he spoke as if he had great power. I asked him to invite that person to dinner, and I borrowed a sum of over 110,000. With that 110,000, I went to Xi'an! Later, I found out that the so-called power was just a salesperson from Ping An, and Ping An's inclusive finance is pretty much like high-interest loans; paying back that 110,000 would cost around 180,000! But at that time, I didn't think too much about it and started doing transactions, not knowing if it was luck or if the place was favorable for me! When I went to Xi'an in early November, I spent a winter there. By the time the Lunar New Year approached, I paid off that loan and still had about 230,000 on hand. Just like that, I returned to my hometown! That year wasn’t too bad; the people around me hadn’t realized that I was out of money, and I didn’t feel like I was out of money either. I thought of the borrowing as just a temporary measure; not only did I pay back the principal, but I also made over 200,000!
With more than 200,000 in hand, I bought ETC for the New Year, around the fifth day of the first lunar month. ETC surged from about $11 to around $23. I had a cost basis of about $9.8. The contract price was around $10.5! After two days, my account surged back to around 610,000!
I felt much more at ease, and I forgot to mention earlier that there were others who owed me money at that time. My uncle owed me about 170,000, which he took for more than four years because he needed money to buy a freight truck. Since I wasn't in a tight spot myself and his child was in college, I never brought it up! In addition, my wife’s side—her uncle's son borrowed 100,000 and 60,000, as well as some smaller amounts from friends, like 10,000 and 20,000. At that time, I had a ledger showing about 570,000, plus the 610,000 in my account, making me feel like I had 1 million on hand!
Just like that, I continued playing with more than 60, and probably around May, I encountered a big loss again, losing 380,000, leaving me with less than 20! At that time, I was anxious, feeling that more than 100,000 might be conceptually similar to the three to five hundred oil now, losing back and forth until it exploded, there was no way out. That Ping An app was still open on my phone because I had submitted my information before, and I had a limit of 22. I didn't hesitate at all! I remember very clearly that to repay 22, I had to pay back more than 340,000!
Holding on to 22 and continuing to play, the debt truly began at this point! A monthly repayment of 9100 for Ping An, plus spending, previously had a bit of money on me, but now it's gone, and consumption remains the same as before. I need at least 20,000 from my account each month! From June, I borrowed this sum and kept playing until after the National Day, and after all the hustle, I had nothing left. At this time, I have to face a monthly expense of 20,000! But there’s no way to make money! I started down the path of online loans, and by November, it was tough again. I couldn't stay at my hometown anymore and came to Xi'an. The friend who introduced me to the loan was also in Xi'an. He sold his house in the city and had several hundred thousand left, but his funds weren't enough to buy in Xi'an, so he took out 200,000 for me!
Others learn from their mistakes, but I always end up doing things unclearly. The reason in front is that others are taking money, urgently need money, withdrawing principal, cashing out at low levels, and getting into trouble!
This time, it was still unclear whether it was an investment or a loan with someone else's money. What to do about the profits, and how to bear the losses! Perhaps I deserve it; later on, I gradually fell into various loans and collections! So much heartache, it's too embarrassing, and I have been so muddled myself. I don’t want to say more; perhaps only those who have been through it can understand!
"Robbing Peter to pay Paul! From initially maintaining credit, repaying friends, online loans, and banks on time, to later being unable to sustain it, various excuses come up. Each time I feel like it shouldn't end this way, but I realize that back then it was just that resources weren't utilized efficiently, not that it shouldn't have ended! Now, all resources and reputation are completely ruined!"
Writing this is not for attention or sympathy, but just hoping that those who owe less can find a wise way to cut losses by exiting in the real world! Like me, if there is no chance to pay back, just keep living; being alive doesn’t necessarily mean there is hope! Once you’re gone, there’s not a shred of hope left!